Yesterday's TNB column reminded me of this little gem I wrote last year, when all of my climbing partners moved away for the summer. By the way, Alison Osius, leave my man-pris out of it.
Dear new climbing partner,
First let me just say that you're a great belayer. I mean that truly.
There's no easy way to say this, but I need to climb with other people. Honestly I just can't see our partnership going anywhere. I think it's a testament to our friendship that we lasted as long as we did; if anyone else made me listen to Weezer's Red Album on my favorite country drive I would probably push them out of the car and into the river. With you though, I tried to make it work. I wanted it to work.
I think should have been obvious from the beginning that we weren't meant to be together. I like high, exposed routes and you like to sit on your butt in the gym. I like to be outside all day and you can't stomach more than 3 hours away from your N64. I actually provide for myself and you are the most pernicious freeloader i've ever met.
No, you cannot finish my roommate's gatorade just because you found it in my fridge.
By the way I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression when I let you borrow my car. I wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy but you were so desperate I went against my principles. I won't do that again.
I don't mean to hurt you but I can't do this anymore.
-Justin.
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